‘*¤°•The most beautiful moments in life•°¤*’

I can’t pinpoint exactly why I decided to write this. I guess it is the peace that has slowly integrated itself within me.

For the longest time, I was in a really bad place mentally. Not that I am magically cured, but I can list the thousands of times I have slept thinking of how cruel life is and that there is now way out. Especially for me being a muslim, this is just the begining. I would be scared of losing my faith in Allah. To block these thoughts, I indulged my self in my over the top personality and sought comfort in constant company.

That was the worst though. As soon as I was alone, it was like being hit with a train. As a muslim, my main go to line was the thought that Allah is not cruel. It was me that was in the wrong.

But recently, I begun to read the seerah of My prophet Muhammad. May Allah send peace and blessings upon him. I began to put my self in their shoes, how did they feel knowing their clan rejected them you know? Or losing their parents, wife, children, uncle. Being hurt physically and with cruel, cruel words. We read about these but we forget Muhammad (S.A.W) was human. If you are bullied in school for being different, imagine how that would effect your mentality. How you would feel? And Rasul (S.A.W) made it you know. So then I came to the conclusion, life is cruel. But there must be a reason. Fighting with our selves, what is the point??

And thats when I developed an epiphany of sorts I guess. Looking at the most beautiful moments of life you know. The few times you are genuinely happy. I guess, my test from Allah is being grateful for these moments even when I feel alone. Because Allah did not abandon the Prophet, and nor will he abandon me. One thing we have in common, Allah is both his god and mine.

I remember some one once told me commiting suicide is selfish. Because of the effect it has on the people you leave behind. And for the longest time , I hated this. How would that person be selfish if they spent their entire life suffering and no one cared. Now I guess I understand.

By the morning light.

And the night as it covers you.

Your Lord did not abandon you nor did he forget.

And verily the second life, the hereafter is better for you than the first.

After years of dealing with issues, this has been my sole comfort. I have gone off on a complete tangent and nor even wrote my initial thoughts. Now I am debating whether it is wise to publish something so private. But I will do it, so I can look back one day and see how I have grown.

تیرے نام سے ہے سکون دل

°○•{^hiatus^}•○°

Well it has been a hot second since I last updated. :/

Welcome back to the insanity I call my conscious self. The last couple of days have been especially boring for me. I have lost interest in binge watching an entire series every night. Suprisingly, for the first time in my life, I am acctually tired of reading. Less tired and more “cant find a legit book”. Anyways, the one month mark of quarantine is this week . Whoa. I think around two million people have died worldwide. An army veteran raised £12m for the NHS this morning. People are handing out their holiday homes, villas and castles as a treat for the workers.

I tried to excercise. The ultimate health guru Saitama recommended 100 squats, 100 sit ups, 100 press ups and 6km run daily. At the moment i think i can only do 50 squats and nothing else.

I tried out the 30 day yoga challenge with Adrienne. Me and my mum together suprisingly got through it pretty well considering our health. However, once I completed todays session, I read @noorajahangir ‘s blog on how it is not appropriate for muslims. I 100% agree. Reading in to its historys, it takes in positions used by sun worshipers etc as main stances.

Plans for today. Mum is making fish pie. She will hopefully teach mea how to de-scale a salmon. Ooooo. Someone hit me up with the real word. I read the review for the movie yesterday and have to say the plot sounds awesome. That will deffos be watched.

Hope everyone is staying safe and supportive of the measures the government has taken.

Peeth out 👳🏾‍♂️✌🏽

✌(‘ω’)

I have realised the only thing that stopped me from blogging regularly are the over-the-top-no-need-for-them titles that O convince my self are necessary. (Did i spell that right?).

Anyhoos. It is 2:41am at the moment. I have just finished reading @noorajahangir ‘s blog and am now inspired (lol) to write my own for today.

So, it’s like what day 10?? I don’t know. Suprisingly though, my family has been very civil. I live with three younger brothers so more that one hour of family “exposure” leads to a UFC trash talk conference. But everyone is good. I tried to watch shutter island today. It is a Dicaprio movie and has the perfect amount of psychological thrilling.

I tried to learn japanese for a week. I learnt yagsu means promise , arigato is thank you and rasengan is what Naruto shouts before throwing a fire ball. So now I am taking up calligraphy. YAY. ヽ(ヅ)ノ My aunties from Pakistan sent us some bamboo pens (i am lying i dont know what tree it is) and ink pots. My dad id tryinh to teach me. Apparantly, I have atrocious writing (sp?!). I have successfully mastered ا and am now on ب. We will see how that goes.

As for a cool outro:

…………

في اي شيٕ تذهب حسرة

وقد قسّم الرحمن رزق الخلا ٕق

»»»°¤° [0120]°¤°«««

~DAY 5«»COVID-19«»0120~

One week since the kindof start of this whole quarantine. The lady that lives opposite us is a nurse. Everyday she adds new posters and cards that people send her to her front door and window. I love it.

Spent most of today in bed writing the plot line for my next story. I told the readers that I was deactivating my account but i have shit all to do. I am feeling extremely mentally exhausted and need some sort of out put. I like reading angsty books. You know the type where the main characters die and you’re so invested you plan their funerals. Lol.

My fathers friend is Turkish. He was telling my dad he wasn’t feeling well today so my mum packed the left overs from our evening meal for him. I hope he remains healthy.

This is turning in to a diary?!

I like this though because no one reads and its just all the shit from my head. Fun times. (つ°ヮ°)つ

I think another 200 (?)deaths were recorded in Europe today. Prince Charles and PM Boris have also tested positive. Kinda reminds me of the بروج in juz 1.huh.

“..all we have left are the prayers we send..”

..

( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

》》`*•°¤{0072}¤°•*`《《

~DAY 3«»COVID-19«»0072~

05:02 am. Thursday. Fasting. My eyes are so so sore right now. Its been almost twenty three hours that I have been awake, yet my brain will not let me tire. Updates, I am now on ep 57 of Naruto. A waste of time really. I am watching it only to realise I have seen most of the seasons as a child.

The whole pandemic stuff has gone to shit. My dad got pulled over twice last night on the way to work. I went shopping with my parents. We had to queue out side. Only one person was allowed in at a time. Every one I’ve spoken to seems to be enjoying the quarantine. My family included. Apparantly, being exposed to the same people with the same train of thoughts for the next 12 weeks is fun. I am dying slowly in my brain. Haven interrupted, voices clipped.

I visited my grandparents. Hands washed, sanitised, face covered. They are well. I dropped off some groceries and did a bit of chores for them. My grandma loves flowers. Not to be that character, my main memories of my grandma are to do with her love for flowers. At the moment, she has a HUGE vase of lillies on the garden window. The scent is all over the house. I love it.

As always, asking Allah for a death with dignity. Its coming no matter what we do. I think I am not fearful of dying of the virus. A lot of people find me stupid. What they have misunderstood is if it is written, inevitable, why waste precious time with fear. Rather do something worthwhile. Dear Allah. Protect us from our own punishment. Bring us closer to you. Protect the integrity, the respect and peace of the ummah world wide. Ameen.

كفي بالموت وعظا

»»»¤°¤[0024]¤°¤«««

~DAY 1«»COVID-19«»0024~

Technically, it’s day 3. Who cares. @trollking this is the result of me reading your blog. Today was the longest day of my life. I dreamt I was a mage in training, but I was unable to master the basic stance. I was on my way to a place of torture, a dark cave only accessible by boat, but I was rudely interrupted by my younger brother. 5am. Wake up together. Pray together. The only highlight of this shit show. I mean, to be honest zombies would make more sense. In stead, we are all sat in our rooms because someone ate a bat. Call me insensitive but that is the truth. Dont mess with the balance it will fck you right up. What do people even write in blogs?? Or are blogs just a way of making unimportant people feel releavant?? The whole “leaving your mark on this world ” bullshit. If anything this lock down and plague are evidence on how insignificant we are. Any ways, I have two episodes of the Witcher left. I shall attend to those immediately .

TOSS A COIN TO YOUR WITCHER OH VALLEY OF PLENTY OH OH OHHHH

»»»°¤°«««